In Part 3 of this article on Parents.com I share with parents tips on how to make the relationship with the ex work:

 

Rule #6: Find an agreeable way to communicate

For joint child custody to work, communication is key. For the sake of your children (and your sanity), you need to find a method of communication that works for you and your ex. “These days we have so many tools with which to organize custody,” Wasser says. “There are Google calendars, icalendars, cell phones, texting, and emailing – all which provide parents with the ability to communicate with each other quickly.” Pisarra directs his clients to the website OurFamilyWizard.com, which offers joint calendars, expense logs, common document storage for things like a child’s immunization record or school calendar, and a message board that keeps an accurate and non-modifiable record of your communications that can be admitted in court, if disagreements arise.

Rule #7: Pick your battles.

Let’s be frank. Parenting is hard enough on its own, and co-parenting adds another layer of complexity. Prevent as many as conflicts as possible with your ex by open communication, but when disagreements do arise, consider if the conflict is truly worth fighting over. “Try to be as rational about your positions as possible and remember that if a judge has to decide it, no one will like the decision most likely” Pisarra advises. “Fight only for the things that are worth fighting for. School choices, vacations, and parenting time are worth the fight. Things like food choices, unless there’s a known medical issue like diabetes or food allergies, are not worth the fight.” Save your energy and good will with your ex and the courts for those things that do matter.

Rule #8: Let your child feel heard.

A child experiences lots of change during a divorce. Allowing the child to express feelings and confusions about the divorce and custody arrangement can help him feel a sense of control in the midst of all that change. “Children need to have input in the process, and depending on how old they are,” Pisarra says. “That can be a simple matter with preteens, or hard to discern with toddlers.”

 

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In this article for Parents.com I was quoted as saying:

Rule #5: A bad spouse doesn’t equal a bad parent.

Your ex may have dropped the ball and driven you crazy, but Wasser reminds her clients that “even though he or she may not have been a good spouse, it is still possible for him or her to be a good parent.” In most case, Wasser says, “it is unquestionably best for children to have frequent and continuous contact with both parents.” Your marriage may not have worked, but your parenting can still succeed. “For good or bad, the child wants and needs to feel the love of both of parents,” Pisarra says. How to do that? Put the needs and well-being of your children first. “Remember that when the children are with your ex, they are with the one person in the world who loves and cares about them as much as you,” Wasser says.

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I am so happy to have been quoted in this article:

Coordinating schedules. Divvying up holidays. Shuffling kids between houses. Sharing child custody isn’t always easy, especially when you’re trying to agree with someone you couldn’t stand being married to. The good news: “Studies show that shared-custody situations work best when both parents are cooperative, respectful, agree on shared custody, and manage their emotions,” says JoAnne Pedro-Carroll, Ph.D., clinical psychologist and author of Putting Children First: Proven Parenting Strategies to Help Children Thrive Through Divorce. “These qualities make it more likely that parents will help their children adjust to family changes.” We asked our experts for their best rules for making shared child custody work for you, your ex, and your kids. 

Rule #1: Speak no evil.

Expert after expert (most of whom were divorced themselves) repeated this: Don’t speak poorly about your ex. “Badmouthing the ex will be internalized by the child because they are made up of both you and your ex,” says David Pisarra, fathers’ rights attorney at MensFamilyLaw.com and author of A Man’s Guide To Child Custody. “What you say about the ex is what the child will react to, and also think about themselves.” Even though you may be pissed at your ex, your child still loves him or her as a parent. Regardless of your feelings about your ex – justified or not – keep them to yourself.

Rule #2: It’s not about you.

The divorce was about you, but custody is about the kids. “Divorce causes emotional tunnel vision and people get so focused on their own hurts and needs that they lose sight of the goal of creating a good childhood,” Pisarra says. Custody is not about getting exactly what you want, or even demanding equity at any cost. “The hardest part for co-parents is remembering that time with the child is not a prize to be won, but a gift to be cherished,” Pisarra says. Shared custody works best when both parents set aside their ego and realize that what is best for the child is not always what feels good for you as a parent.

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Video – What Happens in a Basic Divorce ?

Published on 23 January 2014 by in blog

If you’re like many people and have a child and a home to split up, this is an overview video to help you understand what the lawyers need to know to help you get through your divorce and child custody dispute as quickly and cleanly as possible.

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Video – What is a Complex Divorce Situation

Published on 23 January 2014 by in blog

This video explains the basics of what to expect if you have multiple children, some assets and a marriage of long duration.

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When you need to know what a Domestic Violence Restraining Order is, you need to know NOW. This video will explain the basics of what a Domestic Violence Restraining Order is, how it works, and how to protect your rights as a father to see your children when you’ve been wrongly accused of Domestic Violence.

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Whether you want to be called Dad, Pop, or Old Man, you want your child in your life, and you need to know who to protect your child custody rights – this video shows you where to start. Father’s have child custody rights, but they have to be willing to fight for those rights

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This video explains what is basically needed for a father to get 50% custody of his children in a divorce or child custody case. There are strategies to use, and actions to be taken – learn them!

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This video explains the basic procedure for fathers who want to increase their visitation and parenting time with their children. Los Angeles based child custody attorney, David Pisarra explains the Request For Order procedure to ask the court for more time with your child.

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Video – How To File For Divorce in California

Published on 22 January 2014 by in blog

This short video gives a quick overview of the divorce process in California by Los Angeles Divorce and Child Custody lawyer David Pisarra.

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