Here’s a video that was done about my sharing arrangement with my ex and our dog Dudley. It’s a short video on Pet Custody and the book

What About Wally? Co-parenting a Pet with Your Ex that I co-wrote.

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Published on 22 September 2013 by in blog


I believe that parents should be forced to take an equal division of time in their children’s care. Fathers should be required by law to take their children 50% of the time.  Mothers frequently withhold their children from the fathers based on the false perception that they are not nurturing enough. Courts tend to support this canard and the only way we will be able to change it is by men fighting for custody.

It is happening more often and as the studies are beginning to show, men are just as capable of being loving and nurturing parents as women. They simply have been denied the opportunity for too long. It’s the same argument that feminists made when it came to the workplace and equal pay.  The alienating behavior is commonly masked as mom being “protective” – it’s bunk. We see this type of controlling behavior all too often in our practice, and it is a detriment to the father/child bonding.

It is understandable that when a child is young, they may need the mother for breastfeeding. But that is no excuse for a father to be denied solo parenting time. Frequently the mom claims that the father is not a good parent, or too immature, or too uneducated to provide for a newborn. I think those are weak arguments at best and disingenuous at worst. If a man is old enough to father a child, and to be required to pay child support, then he should be old enough to take up the mantel of parenting.

Today, as it stands, fathers who want to obtain, or increase, their visitation and custody orders need to keep in mind the following: Proximity, Paperwork and Persistence.

The Three Ps can make or break your chances of getting the orders issued by the judge. Most fathers start out a custody case at a disadvantage. When dad moves out, the children are left with mom, and that becomes the way the court is inclined to keep the situation. The moment that dad moves out of the family home is the moment that mom gains an advantage in child custody hearings.  Here’s why – the courts don’t want to upset the children’s living environment. They focus on keeping the child stable, and that means in their historical home.

So how then does a man recover from the mistake of moving out of the house? He must show to the court that he can effectively parent the child, with as little disruption to the child’s routine as possible.


This means how far or close dad lives to the child’s home and school. This is a major factor in increasing, or acquiring custody and visitation. The closer dad is to the home and school, the more easily he can be present for the child, and the courts give this great weight. If the choice is for a child to be in a car for 5 minutes getting from mom’s home to school or a 25- minute drive from dad’s home, the court is going to prefer mom’s home. It is also more likely that the child’s friends and social network are close to the school they attend, which is a factor for the court.


Cases are won or lost on documentation. Dads should keep a calendar or a diary of all the time that they are with their child. In any contested case, mom has something that she will use to show the court how little time dad spends with the kids. A simple calendar which shows the days that dad took his child, and what they did on those days can make all the difference for a change in custody. If dad keeps the receipts for what he did with his child, it will allow his lawyer to prove that he took the child to see the movie “Cars” on a day when mom says he didn’t visit. This is a crucial credibility issue, and one that with a little bit of work by dad, can yield big gains. The court will see that dad is truthful, which goes a long way towards winning the credibility wars, which in turn can lead to more time with his child.


The biggest factor that affects whether or not a dad will win more visitation or even equal custody, is his ability to come back, time and time again. The successful dad in family court, is the dad who never gave up, and was willing to do whatever it took, no matter how difficult it was, or how long it took, to prove to the court that he wanted and was capable of being a loving, attentive, and present father.  The successful dad who wants to increase his custody and visitation, will live close to his child, keep good records, and never give up when dealt a bad hand.

Society is changing, and as more men take up the duties of being a responsible parent, it will become easier for all fathers to have the custodial time and visitation they want with their children. 

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International work is challenging and exciting, and is a high stakes game. When we do international child custody work, it means late nights, early mornings and cross cultural discussions.

We have handled child custody cases involving Sweden, France, Germany, Portugal, Singapore, Thailand, Canada, Greece, Hungary, Czech Republic, Russia and S. Africa.

That’s why I was asked to contribute some words for this article:




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Published on 08 September 2013 by in blog

Men understand teams, and being a team member. This ad from Guinness Beer shows all that is great about men, their ability to fight tooth and nail for “their team” and then go have a Guinness and forget all about the game. The ability to come together as a team and play fairly.

These are the issues that we deal with in a Divorce or Child Custody case, because these greatest traits of men, will be used against them in a Family Law case. Your family is your team. You sacrifice, you change who you are, you play with a handicap for your team, just to make someone you love, feel a part of a team.

But that’s not divorce court. That’s a basketball court. In divorce court, you need to play by different rules.

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Turns out that Jiu Jitsu master Rodrigo Gracie needs some protection from the authorities !  He’s asked a Los Angeles Superior Court to issue a Temporary Restraining Order against a 5’3″ woman. Super smart move on his part!

Given who he is, he would surely be arrested in any altercation by the Los Angeles Police Department. Men like him have to defend themselves in court with their words, and he has to do it prove that he was in fear of her, and ongoing abuse. Depending on the judge he gets, this may be easier said than done! Men are not sympathetic petitioners for a DVRO or Domestic Violence Restraining Orders thanks to a society that thinks all men are abusive and no woman ever is.Women  can easily play the “victim” card. A touch of a tear, a quiver in the voice and that scratching, hitting, cursing ex of yours becomes the “true victim” in the court’s eyes, UNLESS YOU KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO TO PROVE HER WRONG.

This is step one…



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Parents who are from different countries often have a problem when it comes to deciding what country the child will live in. It is not uncommon for couples who are sharing child custody to have one parent abduct the child and flee to America or from America to avoid having to deal with the other parent.

International child abduction is a major problem, and if your child has been abducted, you need to act quickly and with an experience lawyer who knows what steps need to be taken immediately to get your child back and to protect your rights.

We have represented clients whose children were abducted to Canada, England, Scotland, France, Norway, Spain, Czech Republic, Hungary, Russia, Germany, Japan, Australia, New Zealand, or were threatened with a forced return to Singapore, Thailand, Norway, Portugal.

These cases are very complex and highly technical. They require an intimate knowledge of the Hague Convention of 25 October 1980 on the Civil Aspects of International Child Abduction. Some countries have signed the treaty and depending on where they are in the process and what other countries are involved, the treaty may or MAY NOT apply.


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Domestic Violence Restraining Orders are in theory simple to get, but the paperwork can be a GIANT F%$^*#!!!!! pain in the ASS. The Judicial Council of California has revised the forms and supposedly made them easier to fill out but frankly, it’s still a nightmare.

If you can’t afford an attorney, and you needto file a Domestic Violence Restraining Order you can do so in any court in the state, but I’m attaching a PDF of the Los Angeles County Pamphlet that lists addresses of help desk for you.

In the Central Courthouse downtown Los Angeles, 111 N. Hill Street, is the RESTRAINING ORDER CENTER (The “Roc” as the supervising Judge calls it!) and they’re very helpful.

If you want to hire an attorney to help you, please call us, we do many of them and can help you fill out the forms and the Declarations in such a way to best present your side of the case.

If you want Child Custody or a Moveout order, you DEFINITELY need to speak with an attorney to make sure you have the “magic words” in your declaration.


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Thomson/Reuters  has asked me to prepare a Minimum Continuing Legal Education webinar for their West Legal Ed Center to show other attorneys the issues presented when representing fathers and husbands in family court.

Being asked is quite an honor and I feel privileged to have the opportunity to share my experience and knowledge with lawyers across the country about the needs of men in family court.

If you want to see the webinar you can go to and search for A MAN’S GUIDE TO FAMILY LAW.


A Man's Guide To Divorce Strategy

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I was asked to be on the Let’s Talk Las Cruces show to discuss the legal history of the gay marriage fight.Host Jason Smith and I, along with Eric Thomson a New Mexico attorney discussed how divorce attorneys brought gay marriage to New Mexico!

Listen to the show here I joined in about halfway through:





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The men at GuyTalkRadio had me on again to talk about how to handle life with Strippers. It never gets old does it?

You can listen to it here

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